True stories about birth and giving birth

Day 1159. I can give birth as well if you let me (Lucus Mucus)

Posted on 2013. Dec. 7.

It is two am. A light cramp wakes me and I need to pee. I go to the loo and tell myself that it can’t be it. I had early labour pains in the last few weeks probably this is it.

Four am. Another ache and toilet again. It can’t be it, the same happened two days ago when cold front came, this time is warm front. Meanwhile the thought is pulsing in my head – at the beginning of my pregnancy I said that the baby will come two weeks before the due date which is exactly today.

Six am. I visit the bathroom again and I get myself comfy on the sofa so at least my partner Csabi can sleep if I can’t. While I’m lying on the sofa I tell myself again that it can’t be it because we finished painting the children bedroom only two days ago. Their stuff are in the living room, which is the only room in the house we can use for birth. Mattresses, furnitures, toy boxes and rugs. I’m sure I just strained myself, maybe because of the ladder climbing. Csabi wakes up and starts to get ready. “Are you all right? Are we gonna have this baby today?” “No I’m sure not, it is the front only.”

He goes to milk the goats. I wake my son, Botond up, he has camp today. The camp is nearby but he is very excited because he is going to sleep there tonight and watch the meteor shower. Csabi finished with the milking and starts to get ready for work. It’s time for Botond to go to the camp. I ask him if his sister decides to come today he would rather stay or come home. He chooses the meteor shower.

It is almost eight am. and Csabi is ready to leave. Botond left. Bumm, a contraction again, a bit stronger than the previous ones. “I will wait a bit longer but I have to go to the office because I’m going to have an important meeting.” – “Don’t worry, just go. I will call you if anything changes.” But he can’t get out of the door as another contraction comes five minutes later. “Call our midwife.” – “I don’t want to call her yet, this is nothing. At least we can have some breakfast as you stayed.” The contractions are exactly in every five minutes. By quarter to nine I except that this is not the result of the front or the climbing but our child want to come.

The machine starts. I call our wonderful midwife, and tell her not to hurry as the pain is not so strong yet. Maybe around midday but I will call later. Straight after this I call my mum, I would like her to be present and also we need help with the cleaning. Few minutes later I ring our wonderful midwife again as the contractions get stronger and it seems they are only three minutes apart. – “I had the feeling and I’ve got my stuff together already, I leave as soon as I can.”

I’m having a contraction when my mother-in-law comes up because her flat is under ours. She is not happy about the fact that I want a homebirth, she fears for me. We ask her to do the cooking, we decide on lunch.

My mother arrives and we start cleaning. We finish it by 11 am. At the end I just rather supervise because the contractions get stronger and I knee on the floor every three to five minutes. It is half past 11 when our midwife arrives. Checks me, take her stuff out and we talk. She goes through all my documents as we couldn’t meet at the 37th week. Luckily few days ago I put every materials needed for the birth into one corner.

The water is boiling in the pots. I get the first hot compress which feels great. Soon the lunch arrives. Pancakes. It smells nice but I don’t feel like eating anything. It comes to my mind that I give birth quickly and then I can have some pancakes. I remember I told everyone to go and eat but of course nobody went just much later one by one.

Someone is always with me. The waves are getting stronger and longer. I’m thinking that with Botond it wasn’t so painful or maybe I just forgot.

My cervix is dilating, everything seems to be fine. The rubbing and massaging hands never stop and it feels great. After a while I can’t tell who changed the hot towel or massaged my back. They are all doing their best to make me feel more comfortable. The room fills up with love.

There is no clock around me and I lose time. I’m really surprised when I found out it’s four pm. already. My plan was to have pancakes by five.

The pushing starts. This is a completely new and unknown field for me because Botond was born by C-section and I didn’t get to this point.

My cervical is keep getting in the way which makes our wonderful midwife a bit worried but she helps with her hands.

Five pm. and than six and Luca is nowhere to be seen. I’m getting very tired. I can feel that Csabi is losing his faith. He is also tired and I think he is not so sure anymore. It hurts me but between pushes I can’t talk about my feeling.

Half past six and our midwife says she think that we should go to the hospital as things doesn’t really move forward. It was like a slap on my face or rather a bucket of cold water and than a slap.

Csabi starts to get the hospital bag ready. I keep saying I won’t go to hospital. He can’t find something and ask where it is. “I won’t be needing it as I don’t go to hospital.” I know that I will give birth to this child here. I can feel the top of her head between my legs, I can’t give up. My mother is worried about me but she believes in me I can tell. I believe in myself.

It is time to milk the goats again. Csabi goes to the animals. The only thing I want is to sleep a little bit. Our midwife gives some homeopathic medicine and time, I‘m very grateful for this. I can sleep almost an hour between contractions. Csabi comes back and with him my strength and the pushing as well. We try many positions I even sit on the toilet. Something started. Luca is pushing her way forward but my perineum doesn’t want to let her go. Our midwife says she may need to cut it. I don’t mind but I don’t want to go to hospital.

I can feel that the three of them believes in me again and it gives me more power. Another hour passes and I just push and push. I can’t keep count of it but seems like hundreds or rather thousands of pushes.

Finally top of Luca’s head pops out but disappears again. At that point it all sounds like a football match. Everyone is rooting for this little girl. Mum chants “Push” at every time I push and she pushes together with me. I think I would laugh out loud if it didn’t hurt so much.

The front of my cervical os gets stuck between Luca’s head and pubic bone at every push. Our wonderful midwife helps with her hand which feels unbearable and I cry.

At every push I think that the head is out and I’m disappointed because she only moves a little bit down. After a while there is no space or time. I can’t hear the cheering crowd, the room disappears even the sofa with the flowery blanket I’m lying on, disappears. I think I’m praying. I ask God to help me with this birth and to help me forgive myself and everyone for everything. I try to empty my head and send negative thoughts away and I push and push. I gather all my strength, grab Csaba’s leg and with a very strong push I finally manage to force Luca’s head out.

The rest goes very quickly. By half past nine this little and delicate baby girl is on my stomach and the only thing I want is to cuddle her. Success! I did it! I can give birth as well if you let me! “Cinnamon pancakes please!”

Few days later comes into my mind that as his friend I helped Csabi pick the sofa where Luca was born. We wouldn’t think then that we would have our first child on that sofa a few years later.

G. H.

Véletlenül kiválasztott mesék.

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