True stories about birth and giving birth

Day 988. Nobody is perfect, yet still! (Manka)

I remember clearly, I had rice with meat for dinner on Monday. My parents in law were suppose to come, but they cancelled. I kind of was relieves, didn’t feel much strength for guests. We skyped with my brother, from time to time I slowed down… Something is happening. We had a test night on Saturday, but this feels different. I only slow down rarely, no serious pain yet. Let’s go, lie down, maybe it will be a well needed rest..

These last weeks were all about extra examinations, the baby is too small, for sure there is something wrong, we need to induce labour, we cannot wait. Officially our date was the 24th, they brought it forward to the 21st, but we didn’t leave it to them, we agreed with our little lady, if she feels like it, she can start her trip bravely, we are waiting for her… And she did, nicely, peacefully…

On Tuesday around 3 a.m. we woke up to a strong contraction. This is it… I could sleep very well during the 20 minutes breaks, Ákos was measuring the time. It was already 6 a.m., still with 15 minutes breaks, but the contractions came regularly. Let’s have a glass of champagne, but I could not have a sip of it… Warn shower? OK, it felt good, but no change, the labour continued.

Ákos called Sarolta, she arrived quite fast (at least it seemed fast to me, but I don’t know how much time passed, though it’s not important anyway)… By this time I was already elsewhere. The atmosphere in our living room, Sarolta’s presence and the support from Ákos were so calming for me. The massage, the warm towels, the good old clary scent… I didn’t need to think of anything, I just was. And surprisingly, I was not afraid. I was always scared of everything, I feared birth as well. What will happen to us? How will I give birth? But somehow these questions did not come up now.

Everything was going well, the breaks between the contractions were probably less than 5 minutes long. Sarolta suggested we can start off, if we want to. We wanted. Ákos went ahead for the car, we got ready and leaving the flat we met our neighbour. I enjoyed the ride in the car, I remember the piglet, Blakas piglet, she left it there last time we traveled together, I told Sarolta, this is a good sign… And it was also calming for me.

When we arrived to the hospital, we realised that we left all the papers at home, it was no surprise to any of us, we just laughed. Ákos went back and we went up to the waiting room, we didn’t want to enter yet. We just danced, in each others arms, we smiled, laughed…

Oooops, I wet my pants! No, no, Sarlota calmed me, this is the amniotic fluid. What a coincidence that we left the papers at home… we had time for this too. And then Ákos arrived, we knocked.

The protocol began. A not too kind midwife greeted us. “A minute ago I saw you in the waiting room, no? You came to give birth? I will examine you.” I got into the system. They did everything just to make me come out of the calm state, but I didn’t give them an easy job. The examination felt like rape. I asked the midwife to wait for a moment, she asked what for. My husband suggested, from the other side of the door to cough, it will help release the spasm. The midwife replied that there is no need to cough, how will I give birth, if I cannot take this pain… She was so rude and cold, I decided that I will go back and find her and tell her how she made me feel… But I am still too upset about it.

Luckily she confirmed that I am in labour and we could go to the inner waiting room (where we met three more pregnant ladies on CTG, me in ridiculous outfit, in labour, a good reality show for them in the finish line. We waited there for the alternative room and for Marika, my chosen midwife.

In the meantime, we received a couple of papers that I should sign. My husband asked where we should sign, and he got a very unpolite reply, your wife should sign them, she is a conscious patient, she can sign them. All I remember were some cutting and some caesarian and episiotomy… Well, we survived this too.

Marika came, examined me. She saw that I was not happy about it, and she knew that I would not be, so she promised a hot bath as a reward. She allowed Sarolta to hold my hand and she waited for my signal that she can start. OK, so we are really in labour. Let’s go to the room.

Everything was nice and good there, the bathtub was full, we talked, we were well. I relaxed in the water. The sun was shining on my face through the window. It was an amazing feeling in December. I don’t know how much time it was. The water was getting cold and the contractions were slowing down, but I didn’t feel like getting out. Or I didn’t dare? I don’t know. But I had to get out, as Marika started worrying that the bath slowed down the labour. And the fantastic sentence came: we can wait till four, after that we need to give oxytocin.

The huge clock in the room was ticking. I couldnt get my eyes off of it. And all the time I just chanted “I don’t know, what should I do, I don’t know, I can’t, I don’t know, I can’t…” In the meantime Marika was chanting, this is no good, not strong enough, this is nothing… and so on.

Ákos was all the time with me, holding my hand, supporting my head, massaging my back. Sarolta took care of the scents, the comfort, the sounds, I looked for her eyes continuously. She looked at me chanting: “Yes you can Jelo, you are doing great. Repeat after me, my body is opening up, my body is opening up.” Big smile on her face, I think this is what kept me going…

Another exam, but I couldn’t handle it, with some extreme power I thore the midwifes hand out of me… And so I got into the not controllable patient category. Nobody was happy about it of course.

Finally, we agreed to move into another room, I got some fluid there, got a bit more strength and also due to the walking, the contractions got stronger again. Unfortunately, on my back, unfortunately with episiotomy, unfortunately with further tearing, but luckily, to all our happiness, our little girl was born around half past six, not crying, just breathing calmly, and she was so soft and so warm. I didn’t dare uncover her, look at her, not to cause any problem. I just felt her on me. And I was happy. This is amazing, I can’t believe it.

I can’t remember how much time passed till the birth of placenta, but I can clearly remember the great feeling: soft, warm healing. I commented on it loudly…

And Manka was just resting on me, nursing… Oh, she is a big girls already! And how small she was, perfect! They say, nobody is perfect, but she is.

N. J.


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