Day 618. What am I to listen to? (Nimród’s birth)
As a doctor I had witnessed wonderful births, at the same time the hospital protocols made me decide to have my baby at home. We had been extremely excited with my husband and had been looking forward to the arrival of the little new-comer. The little one remained in breech position so the midwives couldn’t undertake to attend the labour at home, so I was referred to an experienced doctor specialising in this kind of births. My sorrow about this soon left as I met a very well-trained and human obstetrician, who consented to conduct the delivery if things didn’t change. But they did.
It is said that nowadays baby boys are born after a longer pregnancy. Women with a shape of an athlete and those having a longer period than 28 days are also more likely to go past the due date, but the medical protocol doesn’t care about it. I wonder why? Our completely healthy boy wasn’t allowed to be born in a natural way on the 43rd week. According to the doctor I would have been able to give birth to him, but just like the midwives he didn’t risk to take the responsibility for conducting the labour, because he was afraid to get into trouble because of it. That was the time, when dr. Geréb Ági was arrested and the authorities achieved what they wanted: everyone was in dread. I had to make up my mind. I was facing a c-section at hospital.
My fantastic pregnancy and my maternal instinct said to me to trust nature. So far everything had been perfect; the baby was developing well and getting ready to be born. I shouldn’t try to be smarter and try to influence and direct the process. I hadn’t done that before. On the other hand, as a doctor I knew that there could be complications and if I listened to my mind I wouldn’t risk the baby and myself.
What should I listen to? My mind or my heart? Finally fear won, I gave up, and the new life was cut out of my body. In the operating theatre everyone was kind and patient. When I could first hear my baby cry extreme happiness overwhelmed me. Then he was brought to my face and I spoke to him and I could give him a hug with one hand. It was just fantastic.
Unfortunately he was taken away soon to be put under an infra light, because that was part of the hospital protocol, and then I could feel being operated on. They were pulling things out, and it was strange to be on the other side of the sheet, I knew what would happen next. It was a terrible feeling. While Nimród was with me, he distracted my attention from this, and I could feel but happiness. Now it literally hurt that he had been taken away from me.
After the operation I wasn’t allowed to move my head but I asked for my baby being brought back to me. The midwife gave him to me and I was on cloud nine, I was praising and caressing him. Then the midwife told me nicely to try to do something that would please the baby, and she helped me to start breastfeeding. He was immediately very good at it and I laughed that I had wanted to please him with words. It was so good to be together again but then he was taken away again.
During the night I was completely alone, there were no other mothers in the room. I still couldn’t move my head and I was extremely thirsty. There was no signing button so I shouted. I gave it up after half an hour and I was thinking about hospitals being safer – I had been lying there alone for three hours, I might have bled to death, no one would have noticed. I couldn’t sleep a wink because of the pain, but slowly somehow morning arrived. The nurse came to help to move my body.
After that Nimród was brought in and he wasn’t taken away again, we could be together. He was beautiful even as a newborn baby and it was such a blessing to have him in my arms. We couldn’t experience the sacral initiation of giving birth and being born and I have been feeling sorry about it since then. Especially because it wasn’t a necessary, life saving operation. I still feel being a victim of modern society. The wound hurt for months. It is unbelievable to think that some women want to have a caesarean because they are afraid of the pain of childbirth. If they knew they would feel the pain with caesarean as well but for a longer period.
In spite of the negative experience the three of us were lucky to spend the first days together with Dad in the family room of the obstetrics. Nimród was there in my arms sleeping peacefully and the three of us became a real family there.
To be a mother is the greatest feeling on Earth. As if everything I have ever experienced in my life gained meaning now, as if I have developed to become one. Maybe those without children can’t understand this: how much happiness can a little baby cause. To be a parent is like entering a new dimension, you become more complex. Having seen that such a sweet creature develops from a tiny little cell, no parent can be an atheist.
Véletlenül kiválasztott mesék.
This post is also available in: Hungarian