True stories about birth and giving birth

Day 624. Being born out

Day 624. Being born out

I had undertaken a dancing job previously, and though it was rather tiring, at the same time it meant great challenge and success too. I deeply enjoyed it and I felt I was able to achieve. The freedom I created for myself gave me a lot and I still had some time before going into labour. I thought it was about two more weeks. That was the time when I got to Ági – just in time.

I didn’t know how to get prepared. I had had disappointments and my doubts had grown significantly since I last met Ági. How was it going to be? Who was going to arrive here? And then? What was going to happen?

Spring passed and it was summer. We had decent weather, some wind and a lot of sunshine, and I was starting to enjoy the time I spent with Dad and the kids – all of whom were really hungry for it. When the magical day that I set up in my mind as the mental countdown day first came and passed, and then my due time also went I felt I was likely to get stuck in this pleasant atmosphere and not being able to give birth. These were my feelings deep inside. The memories of my first delivery frequently came back. Fate gave me nine extra days this time again and we reconciled ourselves to it. So everything was all right until one Saturday – it was at Whitsun – it all went wrong because having to wait for so long became a too big burden on us. “We have stopped.”

Luckily I was able to share these feelings with my husband and I saw he was relieved because he was feeling the same. We spent the evening of this day speaking about the time when our daughter had been born, how we had felt then, and what thoughts we had had at that time. It had been a period that we didn’t want to experience again. Looking for some change on Sunday, the next day we went to the “Farm“ – our grape-yard. Finally I cooked, moved the lawn, the kids were enjoying the freedom of the fresh air and my husband was working at the upper part of our land. By the end of the day all of us were nicely tired, but contented and happy.

On Monday my mother- and father-in-law were to come. They arrived with lunch, and Grandpa helped to landscape!

Next dawn I was woken up by some pain in my lower abdomen, and as these feeling kept coming back I thought they must have been contractions signing the beginning of delivery. I thoroughly cleaned the bathroom and I wanted to get some enema cleansing. But I couldn’t find the tube, only some buckets with the nozzles. My husband couldn’t help, and also it was a holiday so I was left with no other choice but returning to bed. Did something begin?

I was to call Ági at eight in the morning but I didn’t feel like going. I told Ági that she had time, because I was going to hang out the clothes to dry and then have breakfast. We would call her later. That’s perfect, she said, as she was in a hospital at a delivery.

I had the experience of my second pregnancy in mind when I had had a lot of time for getting prepared emotionally and had asked and received a lot of help. And the result of all of this was marvellous. Where was I from that state? How had I prepared at all? But the previous one year… – yes, I know. I confess I was a bit afraid as if I had wanted the delivery and I was making it happen, but at the same time I wanted to believe the opposite: I was deceived. Could it happen again what I had experienced with my daughter before? The day had just started, how was it going to be labour? The pains had already started, but with Nimród I hadn’t had any pains. How was I going to bear it? And what is more important how long?

The grandparents arrived at eight without knowing anything about the situation. I didn’t feel like meeting them. I really wanted to take my enema to do something that I felt useful to get ready for the delivery, but I didn’t have the tube. I couldn’t remember what kind of homeopathy had been offered to me by the doctor, but finally I found something in a book, but I think it wasn’t the same. Nevertheless I took it in with faith.

At around nine I told my husband that I wanted to get into the bathroom so if he needed to go too, he should do it immediately. During this time I sometimes defecated. I can remember the idea of getting into the tub occurred to me meanwhile and when I did get into it I was a bit afraid that the novelty of it would wear away and I wouldn’t get any closer to the labour. The hot water was really pleasant and Ági called me whether to leave, because if she was needed she could come as soon as the baby in the hospital was born. I said not yet.

Then the waves of the pain got stronger and stronger, I ran out of hot water, and my brother-in-law’s Mothers’ Day question came to my mind: “Aren’t you afraid?”. If Ági arrived what could she help? Would it all stop again? Anyway, how far have I got? I had pains for sure, but I had had pains with my daughter too. Ági called again, by this time my husband had come in, and he was there with me. Ági should come immediately, he said but I heard he said it wasn’t necessary. Or is she coming? By that time I was loud when I had a contraction, and I was crying in the meantime. I felt the force to press, so I pressed, but I had the feeling that the baby had fallen asleep. Didn’t it want it? Then what was I supposed to do? What was this complicated process I was a part of? Whose wills was I experiencing? And meanwhile the contractions kept coming. “No-one dares to heat water! Everyone should stay where they are.” Outside the sun was shining, Grandpa was cutting the grass or was doing some other odd jobs, Grandma was taking care of the kids inside, outside, who knows where and what they were doing. My daughter came in once and asked if we were trying to make the baby born out. I said yes and she left.

I wanted to get out of the tub so my husband put something down on the floor in front the tub. Two more contractions, or more? I can remember to get down on my knees and after one contraction we could see the top of the head. Then everything stopped again. We had to keep on doing. It was hard, one flash, maybe the perineum was preventing it from coming out. Let it tear if it needs be. And at that moment with the next contraction the baby was out finally, surprisingly long it seemed to me.

I couldn’t believe it was finally over. “Boy.“ – dad said and rushed for the kids: “Can they come in?” Of course, but I had to lay down so he put something under me. The baby was crying because it was light and he was cold. It was done! And only some hours had passed of the day!

I didn’t know how we would get away from that place. I couldn’t move, and it was very difficult to hold the baby let alone make him warm. My husband ran in with the kids, my mother-in-low peeped in and immediately turned round. It was a great thing even for them.

They made the bed ready and somehow I managed to get there with the baby. The children very extremely sweet, but they obviously felt shy, especially my son. Here we had another child who was a boy too!

When Ági and her helper arrived I was still very excited and nervous, I was just smiling like an idiot, it was so unbelievable that the baby had been born and it was only noon. My legs and my hips, my whole body was a total cramp so we put some pillows under my back and legs. She was really sorry that she had been late for the baby, and a bit resented because it was my fault. At that time I couldn’t interpret her words.

I was trying to stop my baby being cold. I didn’t want to dress him, because I wanted to feel him on my skin, but during the night I gave up. We got some blankets and lambskin – he didn’t care about my breasts. I didn’t believe it was a boy. He had undertaken so much since his conception. I could but admire his strength… I realised there, at that time that thought I felt he would be a boy, I actually thought he would be a girl.

As the umbilical cord was still pulsating, Ági examined me while we were waiting. She acknowledged it was a tear somewhere else than the episiotomy scar. It would need four stitches, or three with a regional anaesthesia, but then the medicine should be given in immediately so that it had time to take effect. It helped me to decide. I couldn’t even imagine anyone to “hurt” me at that time, so I decided to have four stitches.

My daughter cut the thinned umbilical cord, and my son was there too. As the placenta hadn’t come out yet and it was noon, I sent them to have lunch. They had kohlrabi soup and some pasta. The table was laid on the glass veranda. Interestingly, Granny, who is not my mother, had decided to cook peas soup, which I usually ask for after labour. It was impossible for her to know, wasn’t it?

The placenta finally detached and as we had been waiting for more than an hour Ági told me to press. It wasn’t easy but finally the placenta was born too. I was experiencing the entire quality of “unwanted” as never before. Then Ági gave some presses on my abdomen so that no gore would stay and this was an extremely bad feeling. But before this she had shown the beautiful whole placenta to the kids, and then gave it to my husband who didn’t wash it immediately just put it aside. The elixir is the man’s job and he waited with it. And he waited with this as well.

Then came the stitches, I didn’t mind the children being there, but I sent Dad out. I was a bit unsure whether to let the kids see it, as I didn’t know what sight it was, but I didn’t forbid them, I hope it wasn’t a mistake. Ági was really helpful and caring; I couldn’t have imagined a better helper. She is a woman too!

My baby meanwhile, at the beginning when Ági arrived, had two poops and during the day he did it other two times. He started to suckle at seven in the evening. Breastfeeding has been a pain for me up to now. It is said to be normal in the first month.

Previously I had never been interested, but this time I wanted to know and record all existing data. Kg-s, cm-s of his different parts. At night when the kids had already fallen asleep, Dad had to find a tape measure and measure him. He was 54 cm, his sole and the perimeter of his wrists were 9 cm, the head circumference was 38 cm. When the next day the health visitor turned up unexpectedly and unashamedly I made him bring scales and we could see he was 3009 g, net. Otherwise everything was calm and peaceful.

The outside world was arranged by the man, and I was having a bath. The baby got a bath on the eight and thirteenth day. He was just over two weeks old, when he was put in the buckle again on the glass veranda. I think he likes it but I am much more careful than previously. He is more sensitive and mature or am I more careful? Baby swimming? Distance.

Previously I had planned to stay in bed for six weeks, but I didn’t keep this promise of mine – so obviously I can’t rest enough. Who can understand this? As a matter of fact I don’t have a lot of things to do, I mean I don’t make myself worry about them, I just make some phone calls and start to organize things … still hours just pass.

He is sleepy, wakes up, eats, sleeps and looks around. Or just wants me to be around. And then I am around. Without thinking of anything else. It is a great feeling, and it gives me the illusion that there is time for everything, and problems have gone to another planet. Is it as simple?

The first evening my husband called the most important ones. I didn’t feel like speaking to anyone for another couple of days. It was good to see him again doing it and experiencing that he called the same ones that I would have called. Now I would answer phones if there were any… but I have to finish this writing as long as the magic is with me.

This baby didn’t have a nickname while in my tummy, but after being born we immediately called him “Pupurka”. Just like this, without a capital, all small letters as he was so small. With his gem eyes he is flirting a lot with the angels who visit him regularly. His eyelashes are growing – he hardly had any at birth. Although I speak a lot to him, it doesn’t occur to him to look at me, so through him I am an “angelseer” too. Sometimes I think about what he could be thinking of. First time really – since I have babies.

For some reason I was planning his Christening on the first week and I was looking for the proper godparents that suit him the best. I myself am very careful with Christening as I am at odds with the Catholic Church so this “chuchy” wish of mine is not well founded. I don’t do anything for it, I don’t read, but I pray and ask questions. I do say prayers and I have a turning towards and an intention… But then why do I want it? And now that his name-day has passed without any special celebrations, why do I feel that I missed out on something?

Something has been changed by our son indeed. It is magical and gives me peace to see his father as he takes him up and looks at him with love, praising him with his eyes. Álmos listens to the tales of Knight Csim-Pam, and I tell him tales from the Arvisura in the afternoon. My daughter is a part of it, too!

It took another two days to find his name. We found 12+1 names suitable after thoroughly studying the Names’ Book, the Life of the Saints and the Arvisura. Having my baby in my arms we were contemplating for two mornings: Who could you be? Half of the family were using pedants, and we tried runic scripts, too. Finally he got the name of Álmos the great leader and warrior.

And I became like a mother with her first baby. I love my son; I can hardly explore all of his details, which I am able to remember! I am contended and I say thanks happily: he is here and healthy. This is so unbelievable! To experience it!

The kids adore him. I haven’t seen my daughter to be so shiningly happy. My songbird son is very careful when he comes close, his requests are delicate, and he – who is not christened, but pays a greater attention than his elder sister at church on Sundays – draws a cross with his thumb on the baby’s forehead when kissing him goodbye. My daughter has started doing so too. Anyway, she calls the baby little Pussy, and I call him Baby Hedgehog. He is happy when I am around, I think.

As for Ági, whom I called my friend at the beginning of this writing, she wrote us something very important when we let her know about our son’s name. I had her thoughts with me for days before I started writing. I will quote them: “Remembering our last talk, I think it must have been important for the two of you to be alone when Álmos was born out. For some reason your husband had to be the only secure point whom you can rely on, who is not late when needed. Maybe that is why I had to be late. I cross my fingers for you. With love: Ági”

It seems I got the most valuable from an unexpected place, by her. Thank her ever so much.

B. K.

 

Véletlenül kiválasztott mesék.

This post is also available in: Hungarian