Day 365. The pine tree and Jutas
We thought we can have a sleep beforehand.
But I only swung myself. I dangled my stomach.
We were laughing. Finally!
We were relieved. Finally!
It is starting. So… So… So what?
As the pain was slowly growing, the laughter vanished.
But we needed the laugh. It harmonized us. We are lucky.
In the bath. Peaceful pain. Together with Gyuri.
Later the others arrived.
Small bathroom. Hot water.
Gyuri. Really near.
My sister is wearing a beautiful cloth. She is celebrating.
I am celebrating. This is important at that point.
Outside, in the room Mom and Ági are guarding us. They guard our peace.
Then I go to the room. The wooden floor. Pure emptiness. I am in there. I am a lonesome pine tree.
Pine tree in the middle. The others are squatting around me. The other trees.
Tough, spiky pain. How tough, spiky I am. Pine tree.
Sometimes the world shakes. My faith shakes. Is it normal?
The pain. The rattle. And all these.
They say it’s fine. They say it’s all right. They say it’s not far. I am delighted at it.
I take courage.
Everything is for me. For us.
There is no unnecessary movement. No compresses. No massages.
There is no place for them. Everything is bare. Me. And the pain.
I am in motion. Outside. Inside.
I stand up. I crouch down. I walk. I stop. My fingers are convulsively waving to me.
What shall I do now? What shall I do now? What shall I do now?
I repeat in myself.
There is nothing to do. Leave it.
Who would have thought? That it hurts that much.
It hurts well.
Later I cling to Gyuri. I hug him. I hang.
My legs hardly touch the floor. I float.
How is he taking me? How can he be able to take me?
Suddenly some hot water is flowing down my legs.
I am relieved.
It’s so easy now. A balloon is punctured in me. Now.
Now I believe that it is possible. That it is soon. That it is all right.
Now I am happy.
And then He is coming. He indeed.
He slides out from me. He swims out from me.
When he is in my hand everything becomes entire.
Finally soft. Finally round. Finally womanly. This birth. And me.
Things are rounding around me.
I am not a lank pine tree any more. I am a woman.
With a child.
Child from flesh and blood. From my flesh and my blood.
Deep feelings suddenly surprise me.
Gratitude. Happiness. Emotion.
Anyway. I still not understand. The whole birth.
Maybe because it is a miracle.
And now that I am remembering, Jutas my son is lying on me.
Who would have thought that?
Thank you for being a forest around me.
Véletlenül kiválasztott mesék.
This post is also available in: Hungarian